Last Sunday was the brunch for The Guiding Star Project here in Duluth. If you haven't heard of them, you should look them up. They are a phenomenal organization doing ground-breaking work in the world of holistic & life-affirming women's health. We were invited by some friends to attend at the Graysolon Ballroom (um, stunning). We had a lovely time and were so glad we went. But I did something that day I don't normally do.
I ate a gluten-free, blueberry pastry.
Yes. Katie, the self-proclaimed anti-grains queen (who was also on day 15 of her second Whole 30) ate a gluten-free pastry filled with grains, sugar, and dairy. And it was damn good. Now why on EARTH would I do such a thing when I'm trying so hard to improve my health?
Let me tell you. Up until the first time we conceived, I had become obsessed with nutrition. While there were reasons that made it necessary for me to look more carefully at what I was consuming, I went full-throttle into the world of "let's eliminate everything and maybe it'll work." Do I still think grains are harmful to most, if not all, people? Yes. But I became so regimented and strict with myself that any mess-up would lead to extreme guilt and shame. (Like when I blamed myself for eating a piece of bread just before we miscarried.)
I love my lifestyle. I genuinely enjoy eating paleo. I am grateful for the Whole 30 and the perspective on food it's given me (and I'd recommend it to anyone). I'm even inclined to start the Paleo Autoimmune Protocol soon (which is like a few steps beyond the Whole 30 - no eggs/nuts/nightshades).
But just as someone can be a slave to food by over-indulging in unhealthy items, I too can let food rule me to the point of deeply fearing a cupcake. How ridiculous! While there have been good intentions of bettering my physical health, I've failed to notice what it was doing to me psychologically.
So I very intentionally ate a gluten-free (blueberry) pastry. And it was delicious. And I felt fine. Maybe it wasn't the best choice and maybe I'll regret it. But I had lost the freedom I once had in choosing what I eat, and I am now re-claiming it. It's important to me that I be happy. That's not to be confused with gluttonous or over-indulgent. No. I probably won't dip back into grains anytime soon, for sake of prudence. But I need to know the reasons for which I am doing this, and I need to freely choose this path.
So there. I'm a work in progress and I hope that's okay. :)